FINDING EMOTIONAL BALANCE IN 2020
The power of “AND”
2020 has been a difficult year for many of us. People are experiencing higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression related to Covid-19, racism, and the presidential election, among other things like the environment, lack of stability, healthcare, and the economy. That’s why we want to talk to you about finding emotional balance as we near the end of 2020.
When we experience distress like anxiety or depression, we are more likely to think in absolutes. We say, think, or believe things like, “I’m always going to feel like this,” or “I’m so angry about the state of the world.” One of the great things about being a human is that we can feel, think, and believe many things at once. Similar to how there can be rain on a sunny day, or how some flowers bloom in winter while others die, there is space for the complexity of the human experience.
Because it's nearly impossible for us to hold only one emotion or belief when we are so vastly complex, it can be painful and distressing when we make ourselves choose between just one. Dialectical thinking offers the ability to not have to choose. It allows us to reframe our thoughts to create room for two things to exist at one time.This is important because the way that we frame things (the words that we choose) matter when making sense of, accepting, and understanding our experience.
This is where the power of “AND” comes in! We can let go of thinking in extremes when we use “and” to balance complex feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. For example, if you were to tell yourself “I’m always going to feel like this” try reframing that thought to “I feel upset right now, AND I won’t always feel this way.” It can be powerful, validating, and freeing when we replace words like “always/never,” “either/or,” and “but” with “and”. Here are more examples of the power of “and”.
“I want to stay informed, AND I understand I need boundaries with my news consumption.”
“I am hurt I can’t see my family for the holidays, AND I understand this is the best decision for our family.”
“I’m angry about the state of the world right now, AND I can experience moments of joy and peace.”
Dialectical thinking and the power of “and” can be useful in every aspect of our lives from romantic relationships, to parenting, to our own self-love and healing. Here are some examples of how using “and” validates both feelings or parts of the sentence instead of dismissing one or the other.
“I understand you didn’t mean to hurt me, but I still feel upset.”
Instead, try:
“I understand you didn’t mean to hurt me, AND I still feel upset.”
“I know you're tired, but you still need to do your homework.”
Instead, try:
“I know you’re tired, AND you still need to do your homework.”
“I did really well in my job interview, but I missed the mark on that one question.”
Instead, try:
“I did really well in my job interview, AND I missed the mark on that one question.”
Let’s honor our humanness and balance our emotions this year by releasing the need to identify with oversimplified ideas. Try replacing extremes with “and” and notice what shifts! Can you think of two truths that you’re holding onto now?
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High-Functioning Anxiety is a complex and often misunderstood experience. The iceberg metaphor serves as a visual representation of the layers of emotions and pressures that people with HFA typically navigate beneath the surface.