HOW TO CULTIVATE SELF-COMPASSION:
Part 4: Positive Comparison
Welcome to part 4 of our self-compassion journal series! We’ve explored what self-compassion through daily journaling, letter writing, and positive affirmations. Today we’re cultivating self-compassion through positive comparison.
Social comparison is completely natural in the development of humans. It’s normal to compare your productivity, looks, and abilities to other people in order to place yourself in the world. With such easy access now to heavily curated lives online, it can be even harder to avoid falling into a hole of jealousy and negative comparison. But there is a way that we can empower ourselves through comparison too. The trick? Self-compassion of course!
“We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time.”
exercise 4: positive comparison
The truth is, jealousy arrises in all of us as some point or another, but it’s how you process these feelings that will determine how you are effected. When you see someone who you feel jealous of, it can be triggering, but often times that person that you feel jealous of, is actually really similar to you. They might have the same career goals, have a similar style, share similar interests, etc. It can feel like you’re failing when you see them have the things, relationships, followings, or careers that you don’t have. There is so much room for all of us and all that we have to offer!
How do we turn jealousy into compassion for others and ourselves? Get some paper and something to write with, and let’s get started.
1. Think of someone you’ve felt jealous of or, think of someone you admire. What do they have that you want? What about them do you feel jealous of or, what about them do you admire? Use a balanced approach to this. Write things down without judgment, or exaggeration.
Example:
She bought her first house at 25
She graduated with honors
He is constantly traveling to beautiful places
She has a healthy relationship
He makes friends easily
2. What do you have in common with them? We often overlook and downplay our own positive qualities and accomplishments while we fawn over or celebrate them in others. Recognize your commonness with that person by writing down similarities.
Example:
We both have great style
We both love to read
We both love traveling
We both value healthy relationships
We both know the importance of good friendships
Compassion for oneself and for others go hand in hand. If we work to develop one, we’ll also be working to enrich the other. What would it feel like to reach out to the person you’ve felt jealous of in the past, or someone that you admire with some kind words? Remember, other people’s successes are not a threat to our own, in actuality, their success is bringing us closer to our own!
Thanks for being a part of this series, we appreciate you so much! Still, we have a lot to learn and so many ways to practice self-compassion beyond this series. Self-compassion isn’t a destination, it’s a continual journey that shifts and changes with us. That means that we must allow ourselves to be slow learners when it comes to practicing self-compassion. So give yourself grace, and space away from self-compassion exercises when you need it. Being a human is hard, but we’re right here with ya!
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